Hiding secrets
by boothandboneslove
Summary: Everybody has secrets, some people just have more than others.
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings- Self harm, suicidel thoughts, depression, child abuse, sexual themes.**

It was easier to act like nothing was wrong, to act like he wasn't falling apart. He couldn't admit to anybody that he was hurting. His life really sucked but he pretended that everything was fine. He didn't tell anybody the truth, not his team, and especially not Kurt. Nobody knew, and nobody would.

Todd dug the scissors into his arm a little deeper, he didn't even flinch from the pain anymore. But maybe that was normal, he had after all be doing this for almost three years. Both of his arms bore the scars of what he did, of what he was doing now. People thought he was weird always wearing long sleeves even in the summer. Even more of a freak then they thought, but he wore them all the time to hide the marks. The numerous scars left by knives, razors, scissors. Anything he had the chance to get his hands on. He watched as the blood flowed out of his arm turning the water a dark red as it swirled down the drain of the sink. He liked watching the blood, and he didn't know why.

After a few seconds of watching he sighed and grabbed the towl he always used to stop the blood flow. He pressed it against the two new cuts he had made for a few minutes. Once the blood had lessened he snuck from the bathroom back to his room quickly. Once inside he made sure to keep the pressure until the blood flow stopped completely. After that he pulled the sleeve on his shirt back down hiding the marks once again. Once he made sure the marks were completely covered by the sleeves he left his room. He hopped down the stairs like he usually did and into the kitchen. He got a glass of water pertending that nothing was wrong, just like he always did. He got a quick drink of water before saying goodnight to Lance and going to bed, ignoring the throbbing pain in his arm.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day at school Todd smiled slightly at Kurt as the other teen held his hand and told him all about the conversation he had with his parents the night before. Kurt always got so excited after he talked to his parents. Kurt let go of his hand so that both of his hands were now waving in the air instead of just one. Kurt's face was split into a happy grin as he talked. When Kurt came to the end of his story he kissed Todd's cheek and began walking towards his class promising to finish the story at lunch.

The rest of the day went the same as it usually did. He sat with Kurt, Rogue, Evan, Kitty, Lance, Pietro, Fred, and Wanda at lunch. Did his best to avoid Duncan and his friends. Ignored the names and looks in his direction. And once the final bell rang did his best to get out of the school as fast as he could before Duncan saw him.

Unfourtunately he failed. Duncan was standing directly infront of him. He's smiling at him, that cruel smile he always gave him. Duncan is surronded by his friends, just like he always is. And right when he goes to hop away from them in the other direction one of Duncan's friends grabs him by the arm and it hurts. It hurts so bad with the cuts on his arm. But the boy continues to grip his arm tightly and he can't hold back the small gasp of pain or the flinch. His captor laughs and grips harder and Todd feels the two new cuts he created last night reopen. He starts crying at the pain and he can't help it even though he wanted to. When the boy feels the blood seeping through Todd's shirt sleeve he pulls his hand back. The sleeve is pulled up with it, exposing the cuts and scars he had hidden for three years. Todd can feel the blood dripping from the cuts, and with the fact that his head is bent he can see the red drops hit the tiled floor. He doesn't care though, can't bring himself to care now that he can feel people staring at him.

"Todd" Kurt's voice squeaks and it sounds pained, horrified, shocked, and heart broken and he can't help but wonder how long he has been there. He doesn't ask though, he can't bring himself to ask. Instead he pushes past Duncan and his friends and runs as fast as he can out the door. He doesn't stop running until he reaches the brotherhood house even though his eyes are stinging and and he can't get enough air into his lungs. His heart is pounding in his chest and it feels like it's trying to beat it's way out. As soon as he was through the door he ran up into his room locking the door behind him. Todd slid down so he was sitting with his back to door. He pulled his knees up to his chest wrapping his arms around them and burring his face in them as the tears started to fall. He hated his life, he really hated it.

Todd stood up and walked to the cardboard box in his room by his bed digging through the papers and photos on top until he rached the scissors he had hidden there last night. He grabbed them and sat them on the edge of his bed. He grabbed one of the pieces of paper from the top of the box and a pencil he had thrown on his floor the other day. Todd quickly wrote out a note before grabbing the scissors and sitting on the floor. He pulled the sleeves of his shirt up over his wrists and slid the scissors over one of them. He never cut his wrists before, he knew how dangerous that was. He didn't care anymore though. He couldn't stand living, and nobody cared for him anyway. He cut the other wrist like he had the first and dropped the bloody scissors to the floor. He smiled for a second; happy that this was finally the end, that he would no longer have to deal with everything. But the smile was gone the second that he remembred Kurt smiling and saying that he loved him. Kurt was the reason he had never cut his wrist. He had never wanted to hurt him. How could he have forgotten that? It was too late to do anything now though, the edges of his vision were turning black and he felt dizzy and sick. There was nothing he could do now. So he cried and hoped that Kurt would forgive him for this as the world around him faded to black.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt couldn't believe what he had just seen. Todd had scars on his arm and was bleeding from two that looked new. A few minutes after Todd had ran out of the school he got over his shock and went to find the rest of the Brotherhood. It had taken him almost five minutes to find Lance. He asked him if he knew anything about the scars and cuts on Todd's arms, Lance hadn't known anything. Lance had helped him find the other members after that, but they didn't know anything either. He was worried now and quickly ducked into the restroom with Pietro and teleported him and the other mutant to the living room of the Brotherhood house. He didn't know why he grabbed Pietro to teleport when the teen could run but he did and it didn't really matter at the time. The only thing that mattered right now was Todd.

Kurt ran up the stairs. Kurt knocked on the door desparately worried but no answer came. Kurt frowned he had a bad feeling. Kurt then tried to open the door only to find it locked and his frown deepened, something wasn't right. Kurt transported just inside the door and couldn't hold back the scream that escaped from him even if he wanted to. Laying there on the floor was Todd, in a pool of his own blood. Kurt ran forward dropping to his knees not caring that the legs of his pants are getting stained and checks Todd's pulse with a hand to his neck. But he can't feel a beat and he scrambles frantically turning Todd onto his back. He places his face near Todd's mouth. Relief floods him as he feels the tinkling breath against his cheek, ruffling the fur there slightly. The breathing is slow and uneven though. Kurt stands up quickly and unlocks the door throwing it open and screaming for Pietro who is in infront of him in a second.

"Ve have to get him to a hospital" Kurt told him and Pietro nodded rushing back down the stairs. Kurt runs to the bathroom and grabbed two towels before running back to Todd's room. Kurt kneeled next to Todd once again quickly grabbing one of his hands and wrapping one of the towels around his wrist before doing the same with the other. Once both wrists were wrapped tightly in the towls he grabbed both wrists adding extra pressure to the cuts. Kurt bent foward and gently kissed Todd on the forehead. Todd's eyes opened a crack to look at him before closing again.

"Todd, open your eyes again please" Kurt begged but the eyes remained closed. "Todd (damn it) verdammt, open your eyes" Kurt said but to no avail. Before Kurt got a chance to say anything more he heard the sirens of the ambulance arrive. He silently prayed they weren't too late as he continued to apply pressure to his lovers wrists until the paramedics rushed into the room. He didn't fight them when they pushed him away no matter how much he wanted to, they were better equipped to save Todd's life then he was. Kurt stared after them in his worry not willing to take his eyes off of Todd. He was so caught up in his worry he didn't notice that one of them was trying to speak to him.

"Can you hear me?" the paramedic in front of him asked a slightly concerned and annoyed look on his face.

"I'm sorry. Vhat vere you saying?" Kurt asked.

"I was asking what his name is?" the paramedic asked.

"Todd Tolensky" Kurt answered watching the other two paramedics. And the paramedic he was talking to nodded and walked out of the room with the other paramedics Kurt following them down the stairs.

The other members of the Brotherhood were there now as well, they were all standing off to the side staring in shock. Kurt watched as the paramedics loaded Todd into the back and drove away with the other members of the Brotherhood.

"We're going to the hospital, you wanna ride with us or meet us there?" Lance asked turning to face him.

"I'll meet you there, I have to tell the Professor vhere I'll be" Kurt told him and Lance nodded as Kurt teleported from the living room of the Brotherhood house. Kurt reappeared just inside the door of Xavier mansion. And ran to Professor Xavier's office as fast as he could.

"Come in" Xavier called from inside when Kurt knocked on the door to his office. Kurt opened the door and walked in quickly. "Kurt is something the matter?" Xavier asked setting down the pen he had been using a moment before.

"Todd vas taken to the hospital" Kurt told him.

"What happened?" Charles asked noticing the tears on Kurt's cheek's due to the fact he was still in his holoform.

"He tried to kill himself. I need to go" Kurt told him and the professor nodded in understanding.

"Come I'll ask Logan or Scott to drive you" Xavier said leading the young mutant from his office and to the den where Logan and Scott were.

"Logan, Scott will one of you drive Kurt to the hospital please?" Charles asked once they reached the den.

"Is this about the Todd thing at school?" Scott asked standing up and Kurt nodded.

"How did you know about that?" Kurt asked him.

"Kitty was in the crowed and saw the cuts on his arm, she said you ran away after he did. I figured who had ran after him" Scott explained.

"Vill you take me?" Kurt asked.

"I'll take ya kid, lets go" Logan answered and Kurt nodded running to the door.

"I wonder what happened, theres blood on his pants and hands" Scott said and Logan and Xavier both nodded before Logan followed Kurt to the door.


	4. Chapter 4

On the way to the hospital Logan didn't ask what happened or why Todd had tried to kill himself even if he was curious. And Kurt said nothing to the older mutant. He sat staring out the window of the passenger seat lost in his own thoughts. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't even notice when Logan pulled into the parking lot of the hospital.

"Hey kid we're here" Logan said causing Kurt to jump in surprise. Kurt looked out the window finally, and noticed that they were indeed at the hospital. Kurt tried to smile but it turned out more like a grimace then a smile. Kurt got out of the car and walked to the front doors of the hospital with Logan following him.

Kurt didn't care that he was all but running down the hospital hallway when him and Logan got off the elevator on the third floor. The third floor was for Intensive care cases, cases of life or death. He also didn't care that he broke into a full out run when he saw Lance pacing back and forth at the end of the hall.

"How is he?" Kurt asked stopping beside Lance when he reached the other teen and Lance turned to face him.

"We don't know, nobody's told us anything yet" Lance replied and Kurt nodded hating the fact that nobody knew if Todd was going to be okay or not. He needed to know about Todd. He felt as if the worry was suffocating him. He couldn't breath and his chest hurt and the tears were constantly threattening to fall. "Come on let's just sit down" Lance added and Kurt nodded, he couldn't talk around the lump in his throat at the moment.

After a half hour of sitting there silently as he relived the moment he saw Todd laying there in a pool of blood Kurt finally couldn't fight back his tears. Kurt put his head in his hands elbows resting on his knees and began to cry. His shoulders shacking and painful sobs escaping his lips. This wasn't fair, none of this was fair. Todd was in danger of dying and there was absolutely nothing he could do. Why did Todd try to kill himself in the fist place? Why did he cut? Why didn't he tell him about him harming himself? How long had he been hiding that secret?

"Fuzzy, you okay?" Pietro asked after a few seconds of listening to Kurt cry and Kurt looked up and him.

"Of course I'm not okay, Todd just tried to kill himself" he shouted.

"Elf calm down" Logan told him, wondering why the kid hadn't said anything about what had happened.

"Vhy did he do it?" Kurt sobbed.

"That's something you'll have to ask him" Lance said. Kurt put his head back in his hands and continued to cry, silently praying Todd lived so he could ask him why he had attempted to kill himself.


	5. Chapter 5

Two hours had passed since Kurt had arrived at the hospital, two hours and still they knew nothing about Todd's condition. Kurt was going to go crazy soon, the wait was killing him. He didn't know what time it was and it really didn't matter to him. All he cared about right now was if Todd was okay, if he was going to live or not. He looked around the waiting room they occupied again glancing at the other people for the eighteenth time in an hour. How did these people seem so calm when his leg was bouncing and he was shaking in his worry? He looked down noticing for the first time the brown stains on both of his pant legs. Stains left by the pool of blood around Todd that he had knelt in when he checked Todd's pulse. How did he manage not to look at that before? It didn't matter if he didn't look at the stains before because he was now and he was crying again before he could cover his face with his hands. At least his hands were clean from the blood that had been on them now. Lance and Logan had told him to go wash the blood off of them when he had finished crying the first time. Kurt felt somebody rubbing circles on his back. Logan was on his right and it was coming from the left he could tell because he felt the arm at his side. But the person on his left was Lance, Lance didn't do comforting people. Kurt looked to his left and noticed that Pietro and Lance must have switched because Pietro was the one rubbing his back and Lance was sitting by Wanda.

"It's okay, nobody blames you" Pietro whispered soothingly and Kurt couldn't help but wonder when in the world Pietro became a person who offered comfort. Especially to him. But by the time it registered in his mind what Pietro said and he wondered how Pietro knew that he was blaming himself. And how nobody else could blame him. It was his fault. He should have known Todd was cutting himself. He should have gotten there faster, he should have never let Todd run off. He shouldn't have wasted time asking questions, he should have followed after him as soon as he ran from the school.

"It's all my fault, I should have gotten zhere sooner. If I had I could have stopped him and ve vouldn't be here, he vouldn't be here. He vouldn't be dying right now, he'd be okay if I hadn't vasted time" he sobbed.

"You couldn't have known what he would do, nobody could. It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong Kurt. You helped him, you were the one who applied pressure to his wrists. If you hadn't been there I wouldn't have been able to do anything, I would have just stood shocked if I had found him, I might not even had found him before it was too late. You may very well have saved his life" Pietro said. Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing Pietro was trying to comfot him. Him and the other mutant didn't even really know each other outside of each other's boyfriends and teams. All he really knew about Pietro was his codename, his real name, his team, and his boyfriend Evan. And that's all Pietro knew about him to his knowledge, but maybe he had been wrong. But before he can say anything, before he has no more time then to open his mouth slightly a woman wearing a white coat was in the doorway. Kurt, Logan, the brotherhood members, and the other people who are waiting in that waiting room look up at her waiting to hear the name she will say. She checks a chart she's holding pushing the blond ponytail she's wearing behind her shoulder when it falls.

"Tolensky?" she asked looking back up and the brotherhood members, and Kurt stand up as quickly as they can. Logan remains seated but his full attention is on the woman in the doorway. When she see's the group that stands she sighes placing a hand to her forehead in exasperation. "The Tolensky family" she says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world and Kurt doesn't like her right now because he just wants to know if Todd's alright.

"Todd doesn't have family, we're the closest thing he has," Lance tells her and she looks down at her chart flipping some pages before looking back up at them.

"Who are all of you?" She asked eyeing them one by one.

"I'm Lance Alvers, Todd lives with me Pietro, Wanda, and Fred" Lance said pointing a thumb at each of them when he said the name.

"And you are?" She asked eyeing Kurt up and down her gaze lingering on the blood stains covering the legs of his pants.

"He's Todd's boyfriend, he's the one who found him after he tried to kill himself" Lance answers for him and he's grateful because he honestly didn't know what to say.

"Well that's nice, but I can only give information out to parents or legal guardians unless I have their consent in the matter. Mr. Alvers since it has you as his emergancy contact and guardian I can give you and the others you live with the information, but the boyfriend will have to remain out here" She told him. Kurt's face fell but he nodded at her and set back down in the seat by Logan he had vacated.

"You said if you have the family or legal guardian's consent you can tell him, well you have my consent as Todd's guardian to tell Kurt" Lance told the woman. Kurt had a right to know not only as Todd's lover, but the one who may have saved him. Kurt looked at Lance and gave a small smile in thanks to which Lance gave a small nod.

"You'll have to sign forms" the woman said sighing and gesturing for the group to follow her leaving Logan sitting in the waiting room with the other inhabitants. They follow her down hallways until she stops at her door with a plague that says 'Dr. J Moore' on it. Once inside Dr. Moore sat at the desk and pulls a couple of papers from her desk.

"These just say that I had your permission as legal guardian to tell a non family member the condition of a patient" she told Lance handing them to him along with a pen. "He'll have to sign as well, on the back page" she adds looking to Kurt. Kurt looks back at her and gets the impression she wishes she didn't have to deal with this. After about fifteen minutes the the forms are signed and on the side of Dr. Moore's desk.

"How's Todd?" Lance asked as soon as the woman finishes straightening the papers on her desk. She looks at Lance first then to the others in the room pushing her ponytail back once again.

"He lost a lot of blood, and was on the verge of death when he came in. We sewed up his wrists and had to give him a few blood transfusions. He's alive but still unconscious, he got lucky. Any longer and we would not have been able to save him, there is still a possibility that he won't make it. If he makes it through tonight then his chances of living improve. We checked for any infections of the other cuts on his arms, there is none luckily. We cleaned and banaged them as well" she replied.

"Do you think he'll be able to make it through the night?" Pietro asked.

"I do'nt know" She answered before looking back to Lance. "I need you to answer a few questions" she told him and Lance nodded.

"Do you know how long Todd has been harming himself?" she asked.

"No, nobody knew about it until today" Lance replied and she nodded writing his answer down on a pad of paper.

"What happened to cause you to find out?" She asked when she finished writing.

"I don't know, I wasn't there but Kurt was" Lance told her and she looked to kurt for the answer.

"Todd gets picked on alot at school, mostly by a football player and his friends. They vere messing vith him I guess. I didn't see the whole zing zough. I saw a crowd in front of the front doors and pushed my vay zrough to see vhat vas happening. Vhen I got zhere Todd vas standing zhere vith his sleeve pushed up and his arm vas bleeding. His arm vas covered in cuts, and vhen I said his name he pushed his vay out of zhe crowd and ran" Kurt told her.

"What happened after that?" She asked.

"I found Lance and tzhe ozhers vho live vith Todd and asked if zhey knew about zthe cuts vhen they said zhey didn't I ran after Todd. Vhen I got in his room he vas lying in a pool of blood and I told Pietro vho had ran vith me zhat ve had to get him to a hospital and Pietro called 911. I grabbed a few towels from zhe bazroom and aplpied pressure to Todd's wrists before zhe paramedics got zhere" he said and she again wrote the information down.

"Do you have any idea why Todd would attempt suicide?" She asked and they all shook their heads, the really couldn't think of a reason.

"Did Todd ever seem depressed to any of you?" she asked.

"He seemed a little upset before, but after he and Kurt started dating he seemed happy all the time especially when he would be seeing Kurt. He never seemed depressed to me" Lance replied.

"I never saw anything" Pietro said and Wanda and Fred nodded in agreement with Lance and Pietro.

"He never told me if he vas depressed. He told me if he vas having a bad day, he told me everyzhing, or I zthought he did. He alvays seemed happy to me. I never knew, he never said anything" Kurt said, beginning to cry again. Dr. Moore seemed a little surprised to see him cry for a second. But then Kurt saw her eyes soften for him for the first time since she was told that Kurt could hear. She opened a drawer of her desk and pulled out some tissues handing them to Kurt before closing the drawer again.

"Can we see Todd?" Lance asked her and she nodded.


	6. Chapter 6

Dr. Moore leads them to room 5231, usually Kurt probably wouldn't have noticed the number but he can't bring himself to look in the small window in the door so he stares at the number. He's afraid to look, afraid of what he'll see. His hands are shaking and he doesn't know if it's from worry or nervousness, and he's not sure if it matters. His tail is flexing and tightining where it's wrapped around his stomach. He feels somebody place their hand on his shoulder and he looks up to see Lance who gives him a small smile. And then Pietro pats his back and smiles at him as well, and for some odd reason he finds the smiles both comforting and encouraging. He takes a deep breath and stands up as straight as he can as Lance pushes open the door, but he doesn't look up until he's inside the room.

The person laying in the bed doesn't seem like Todd, not one little bit. He's pale, almost blending in with the sheet. He looks smaller and more fragile then Kurt as ever seen him, and he's seen him curled up in the fetal postion on the ground in the pouring rain. He's seen him sick, he's seen him on the verge of tears, but it doesn't compare to this. Can't even come close to comparing to this. Both of his arms are covered in white bandages from wrists all the way up to four inches past his elbows. Kurt's not sure if he wants to know how far the cuts go up, if they go up that far or not. He's not even sure he can handle knowing. He's already having trouble breathing just knowing whats under those bandages. He wants to run, he doesn't know if he wants to run to Todd or run away. But it doesn't matter, because he can't move either way. Kurt can feel the tears in his eyes that have not dried yet grow as more tears came, and he can feel when they finally spill over the edge of his eyes. He chokes on his own breath when he tries to breath. He can feel his heart breaking and it feels like pieces are stabbing and cutting at his lungs. He can't bear to see Todd like this. It's not the Todd he knows and he hates it. Kurt knows it's Todd laying in that bed, but it's like he's a stranger to him, and he doesn't like feeling that. Kurt wants to run from this room, run until none of this exists anymore. But he can't make his legs listen to him because he's walking up to the bed and stopping on Todd's left side. A piece of Todd's hair is out of place and resting on his forehead and Kurt doesn't even have to think before he reaches a hand up and brushes it back. He always did that whenever Todd's hair would come out of place, and it was the only normal thing he had right now. Todd's hair was just a little coarse and it was almost thick but still on the thin side. Kurt liked Todd's hair, he always played with it absent mindedly, Todd never seemed to mind. Kurt sat on the very edge of the bed and ran his hand through Todd's hair, Todd loved it when he did that when he was falling asleep.

Kurt completely forgot that there were others in the room with him, so when he leaned down and placed his cheek against Todd's he didn't think of how embarassing what he was going to do next would be.

"Goldene schlummert küsse deine Augen, warten Sie Smiles wenn du aufstehst. schlaf, hübsches kind, weine nicht, Und ich will ein Schlaflied singen. Sorgen Sie wissen nicht, deshalb schlafen, während über Ihnen eine Uhr halte ich werde. Schlaf, ziemlich süß, nicht weinen, Und ich will ein Schlaflied singen" he sang.

"What was that?" Pietro asked causing Kurt to blush and duck his head in embarrassment.

"A lullaby my mother used to sing to me vhen I vas going to sleep as a child" Kurt replied quietly his cheeks burning.

"It sounded very pretty" Pietro told him and Kurt nodded trying to get his blush under control.

**Aurthors note- Lullaby called 'Golden Slumbers' I do not own it.**

**Lyrics- Golden slumbers kiss your eyes, Smiles await you when you rise. Sleep, pretty baby, Do not cry, And I will sing a lullaby. Cares you know not, Therefore sleep, While over you a watch I'll keep. Sleep, pretty darling, Do not cry, And I will sing a lullaby**


	7. Chapter 7

After the lullaby Kurt was too embarrassed to say another word, he really can't believe he just sang in front of other people. He only ever sings if he's alone or Todd is the only other person who can hear him. So all he does is sit in silence with the others in the room. He's still sitting on the edge of Todd's bed and running a hand through his hair. He's not sure how long he has been sitting here, but he doesn't bother to look at the clock in the room. If he did he'd have to look away from Todd, and he doesn't want to do that. It still doesn't feel like it's Todd in the bed no matter how long he looks at him.

It doesn't seem like long before Dr. Moore comes back in the room, but he knows it has to be awhile later.

"I'm sorry, but visting hours are over now. There's only one person alowed in the room after visting hours and that's Mr. Alvers in this case. Only parents or legal guardian until visting hours tomorrow" she said. Kurt didn't want to leave but he knew he had to, so he kissed Todd's forehead softly and stood up. He follows Pietro, Fred, Wanda, and even Lance to the door but stops before he can leave the room. He looks back over to the bed and just stares.

"Kurt you have to go" Lance told him and Kurt looked at him nodding and looks at the floor. "I'll call you if anything changes alright?" Lance adds knowing why Kurt doesn't want to leave.

"Please" Kurt pleaded and Lance laid a hand on his shoulder squeezing gently.

"I will, now go home and get some sleep." Lance told him and Kurt nodded walking out of the room and making his way back to the waiting room he left Logan in.

The drive back to Xavier mansion is just as quiet as the drive to the hospital and when they pull in Kurt only nods to Logan and gets out of the jeep. He ignores the people that look at him when he walks into the mansion. He's sure not everybody knows what happened. Some see the blood stains and stares. He ignores them too and walks up the stairs going to his room. He doesn't want to see anybody right now, he's tired and he just wants to lay down, go to sleep and never wake up again. Once he's in his room he notices that his image inducer is still on and switches it off so that he's in his normal fuzzie blue form. He scrubs at his eyes and changes into his PJ pants climbing into his bed. He closes his eyes and buries his head into his pillow, refusing to cry again.

He just lays there for almost two hours trying to sleep, only for it to avoid him. So he gets out of bed and goes over to his desk digging through one of the drawers until he finds the photo album he's looking for. He sits on his bed and opens the book, smiling at the pictures of Todd, and of Todd and him that greet him. Todd's smiling in the pictures and he can't believe that Todd had always seemed happy. He doesn't know how long Todd had been like that, and honestly he doesn't want to. It's not the Todd he knows.


	8. Chapter 8

Kurt's grateful that it's Saturday, he really doesn't know what he would do if he even had to think about school right now. Lance called that morning to let him know that Todd still had yet to wake up, and had not even showed a sign he was going to. Kurt was anxious all day, he was trying and failing to wait patiently for visting hours to start again. It seemed like it was taking forever for the time to pass. He was worried out of his mind, and he was tired. He barely got any sleep the night before, but he just couldn't fall asleep. He snapped at Scott and Kitty that morning for asking questions about Todd. He just didn't want to answer the questions they asked, it wasn't really his place anyway. And he still wanted to pretend that this wasn't happening for right now. It was just easier that way.

Finally after what seemed like days, he could finally go see Todd again. Scott drove him this time since Logan was busy. He's not actually sure what the other mutants doing, and he's not sure he wants to know. Sometimes it's better not to ask with Logan. Scott unlike Logan had been asking him questions in the car. Asking again and again why Todd's in the hospital, what happened, why he has cuts on his arm. Kurt is close to snapping at him again.

"Kurt just tell me what happened to Todd that he ended up in the hospital" Scott says, Kurt has lost count how many times he's been asked by now. And this is the time Kurt finally snaps, he can't take Scott asking anymore. He's tired, he's worried, he's hungry because he's too worried to eat, and he feels sick, he's reached the end of his rope.

"Stop asking me, it's not my place to tell. Ask Lance!" He shouts and Scott looks at him raising an eyebrow. He doesn't even care that he just shouted at his team leader, he just can't take being asked anymore. Scott remains quiet the rest of the drive to the hospital and once they pull in Kurt jumps out and rushes to the doors. He doesn't even care if Scott catches up to him or not, but he's pretty sure that if Scott says one thing to him, he'll punch him. He runs to the elevator and then once it stops and deposits both him and Scott on the third floor. He runs to the waiting room they had waited in the day before, not even caring that he leaves Scott behind. He doesn't stop running until he reaches the waiting room where Lance is leaning against the wall waiting for him.

"How is he?" Kurt asked once he's standing in front of the older mutant.

"Nothing has changed, the others are with him right now if you want to go in. If you want to be alone just tell them, I already told them if you ask just leave" Lance replied and Kurt nodded.

"Thank you" he said softly heading inside Todd's room.

"No problem" he hears Lance say but doesn't turn back to say anything.

Once Kurt is gone Scott looks at Lance from where he stood watching Kurt disappear down the hallway.

"What happened to Todd? Kurt snapped at me to ask you when I tried to get him to tell me" Scott asked.

"He tried to kill himself. After he ran from the school I guess he went home. When Kurt found him he had slit his wrists open" Lance explained running a hand over his face as he sat down. Lance looked worn out to Scott as he studied the other teen.

"What did he do it with?" Scott asked taking a seat beside him.

"Pair of scissors, I went home for a bit last night and me and Pietro cleaned his room up, I didn't think it should have been left for later. The longer it sat the harder the blood would have been to get out of the floor. There's a stain we couldn't remove so we covered it with an old rug from Pietro's room. It probably wouldn't be good for Todd to see it when he gets out of here. I found the scissors, Pietro found the note," Lance sighed. "Why do you care Summers?" Lance asked as an afterthought.

"Because it's effecting Kurt, he's part of my team and my friend. If something's bothering him I'd like to know what in case I can help" Scott explained and Lance nodded. "Does Kurt know about the scissors and note?" Scott asked.

"I don't know, I'm going to ask him when I go back to the room. I can't be in there right now" Lance told him.

"You're not taking this well" Scott pointed out.

"No I'm not, how would you take it if somebody on your team tried to kill themselves? Todd's got cuts and scars on his arms I never knew about, I had no idea what he was doing, that's not an easy thing to deal with" Lance snapped.

"I'm not saying anything about it, I understand" Scott replied.

"Todd's part of my family, the Brotherhood is my family. Their the only ones I have, I try to protect them if I can. Especially Todd, he's the youngest and the smallest so people always go for him. But I didn't notice that anything was wrong until this happened" Lance said running a hand through his hair. Scott opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but closed it once again.

"I'm going to head back in, apparently Kurt didn't kick the others out" Lance said standing up and Scott nodded sitting back in the seat. The Professor had asked him if he would mind staying until dinner while Kurt visted Todd. Scott had agreed even though he knew he would have to wait hours, Kurt needed to see Todd. And now that he knew what had happened he didn't care even a little how long it would take.

Lance walked into Todd's room to find Kurt sitting on the edge of the bed the same as yesterday only this time he was holding one of his hands instead of running a hand through his hair. The other members of the Brotherhood were silent as they stood there looking at Todd but their gazes turned to Lance once he came in. Lance knew they were wondering if he was going to ask now. He also knew it was probably better to ask now before he couldn't do it.

"Kurt, can I ask you some questions?" Lance asked stepping closer to the bed. Kurt looked to the older teen and nodded.

"Do you know what Todd tried to kill himself with?" Lance asked.

"No, I vas trying to save his life" Kurt answered tilting his head slightly to one side.

"Do you know anything about a note?" Lance asked and Kurt shook his head.

"No, vhat is this about?" Kurt asked, his tone alittle harsh. Lance sat in one of the chairs in the room.

"Me and Pietro found what he used and a note last night when we were cleaning up his room, I thought you might have known or would want to. Do you want to know?" Lance asked and Kurt looked back at Todd for a few seconds before nodding.

"We found a pair of scissors on the floor where he was that was covered in blood, we're guessing that's probably what he used. And we found this note as well" Lance said pulling the folded note from the pocket of his jeans and handed it to Kurt. Kurt stared at the note for a minute studying it before unfolding it. Kurt silently read the note before he handed it back to Lance his hand shaking slightly and tears in his eyes.

"Zhings he's never told anyone, secrets he's alvays hidden. He couldn't handle his life anymore." Kurt said and Lance knew he wasn't saying it for any reason but to try and understand what had happened and why Todd had done what he did.


	9. Chapter 9

It's two days after Todd's suicide attempt when he wakes up, at first his eyes only flutter for a few seconds before staying closed. Minutes later it happens again, it goes on like that for about an hour before Todd's eyes flutter open. At first all he can see is a black mass but it fades into six blurry figures against bright white. He blinks until he can make out the features of the figures, five he recognizes.

Lance is staring at him, a frown on his face, he looks both relieved and upset. Pietro has a small smile on his face but there's a sadness in his eyes that Todd's never seen before. Wanda who looks angry, but thats not a big surprise since she usually looks angry. Fred who's smiling at him. Kurt is the last one he looks at. Kurt's smiling at him as well and holding his hand up to the fuzzy teens chest. But there's a pain in his eyes that Todd doesn't like and he's crying, his eyes are red and puffy from it. The last figure a woman Todd doesn't recognize with blonde hair. She's also smiling and she's holding a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other. It takes him a few minutes to remember what happened and it comes in flashes of images at first. First he sees his arm bleeding from two cuts he had just made, Duncan and his friends, blood dripping to the floor, a pair of bloody scissors, his wrists bloody and cut open with deep gashes, Kurt calling his name sounding heartbroken, and last Kurt holding towls to his wrists. Once he remembers he looks to Kurt again locking his eyes on the fake brown of the boy he loves.

"Kurt," he said softly gripping the other boys hand in his.

"Todd, it might not be a good idea to speak yet" Kurt told him but Todd shook his head against the pillows behind his head.

"Kurt, I'm so sorry" Todd apologized, he needed Kurt to forgive him for what he did. He never wanted to hurt Kurt and he knew that he had. He hated that he had hurt him and he wished that he could undo it, but he knew he couldn't. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Kurt. Please forgive me, please, I'm sorry" Todd begged as he started to cry. Kurt didn't know what to say or do, he never expected Todd to wake up asking for his forgivness. All he knew was that he had to make the tears stop, he hates it when Todd cries.

"Todd, I forgive you, just please stop crying" Kurt said kissing Todd's forehed and running a hand through his hair in an attempt to comfort him.

"I'm sorry" Todd whispered to him lifting an arm and hugging Kurt to him and buring his nose into the fur of Kurt's cheek that he could feel under the image induced holoform. Kurt hugs Todd back gently trying to comfort his lover the best he can. After a few minutes of hugging Todd falls back to sleep, Kurt's arms still wrapped around him. Kurt kissed his forehead again and let go of him before running a hand through the other teen's hair again.


	10. Chapter 10

Todd sat at the kitchen table in the Brotherhood house staring at the table top, waiting for Lance who was leaning against the counter to say something. Todd had been released from the hospital the day before, two days after he had woken up. Todd had been mostly quiet since he got home. He didn't know what he was suppose to say, not to his team, not to Kurt, not to anyone. His team looked at him differently now and Kurt only stared at his arms and wrists.

"Kurt's coming over today" Lance told him.

"Why?" Todd asked, usually Kurt asked Todd if he could come over or told Todd if he was coming over.

"I asked him to, Me and Pietro have to go grocery shopping, Fred's got detention, and Wanda's got a date" Lance replied.

"So he's babysitting me?" Todd snapped at him, annoyed and angry.

"Damn it Todd! You can't be left alone" Lance said.

"Why not? I can take care of myself, I've done it before" Todd argued.

"Because the last time you were here alone you almost killed yourself. The doctor said it herself you got lucky, you do it again you might not be so lucky" Lance told him trying not to yell at the younger boy.

"I already said I'm not going to try it again" Todd said.

"I know that, but I cant take the chance Todd. Until I'm sure you won't do it again somebody will always be here with you" Lance explained and Todd sighed knowing that he had lost.

"When's he coming?" Todd asked.

"In about an hour" Lance replied and Todd nodded standing up from his seat. "Where are you going?" Lance asked.

"My room" Todd replied. "Don't worry, I know the door stays open" Todd added after seeing the look Lance gave him. He wasn't allowed to be in his room alone unless the door was open and even then Lance looked in every few minutes. He hated that they couldn't just trust him, but he guessed he understood why they were doing what they were doing.

Once Todd was in his room he sat on his bed staring at the rug on the floor. He knew what was under that rug, of course he knew, he had been sitting in that spot when he had cut his wrists. He sighed and turned his gaze to the white bandages that still covered his arms and wrists. They doctor said they had to be changed every other day. Lance was the one who changed them because Todd couldn't do it with only one hand. Todd sighed and laid down on his bed deciding to take a nap for a little bit. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, he had stayed up drawing since he didnt feel like sleeping.

Todd was woken up by Lance shaking his shoulder with Kurt standing not too far from him and smiling slightly.

"We're leaving now, Kurt's here if you need anything" Lance told him and Todd nodded sitting up in his bed and stretching. Todd followed Kurt and Lance down the stairs where Pietro was waiting for Lance by the door.

"Bye Lance, Pietro" Kurt said and the two mutants nodded waving good bye to Todd and Kurt, Todd ignored them though as he sat on the couch.

"Is there anything you vant?" Kurt asked turning to face Todd.

"No" Todd replied and Kurt nodded sitting on the couch beside him.

"How are you?" Kurt asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Fine, I guess" Todd said shrugging his shoulders.

"Are zhey healing vell?" the fuzzy teen asked motioning to the bandages that covered both of Todd's arms.

"Yeah" He replied. "I miss you, you know? You haven't called or came over since I got out of the hospital. Do you hate me now?" Todd asked after a second before Kurt could say anything, Kurt gave him an incredulous look.

"Nein, of course I don't, I vill alvays love you Todd. I didn't know how to talk to you" Kurt admitted grabbing one of Todd's hands.

"Talk to me about what?" Todd asked looking up into the fake brown eyes of his boyfriends image inuced form. "Will you turn that thing off please? I like your natural form" Todd added pointing at Kurt's image inducer.

"Sure" Kurt replied turning off his image inducer so that his natural fuzzy blue form showed. Once he was in his natural form he looked back at Todd. "Better?" he asked and Todd nodded.

"Talk to me about what?" Todd asked again.

"Your note, vhat you said in it about zhe zhings you never told anybody, zhe secrets and vhy you felt like you couldn't handle your life" Kurt explained.

"Oh, you read it?" Todd asked and Kurt nodded.

"Vhat did you mean? Vhat secrets?" Kurt asked.

"I can't tell you" Todd whispered.

"Vhy not? I zhought you told me everyzhing" Kurt said.

"Because you wouldn't think of me the same way if I told you" Todd told the fuzzy teen.

"Nein, I vont, Todd" Kurt said grabbing the other boys hand in his. "I love you, you know zhat" Kurt added.

"Promise me you won't think differently of me?" Todd asked gripping Kurt's hand.

"I promise" Kurt replied and Todd nodded. Todd looked to the floor and took a deep breath, he had never told anybody what he was about to tell Kurt.

"My momma was a prostitute, she was one before I was born and she was one while I was growing up. She had no idea who my father was, just one of her clients. She brought her Johns to the house sometimes, she always told me to go in my room and don't come out until she came and got me. Sometimes I stayed in there for an entire day until my momma came. When I was little I didn't know what she was, she always called the guys 'work friends' when one of them was coming over. Didn't mean I didn't hear though, when I asked she told me that they were only playing a grown up game that I wasn't allowed to play until I was a grown up. I know now what was going on though" Todd told him.

"Vhy vould I zhink diffrently of you for zhat? It vasn't anyzhing you did" Kurt asked.

"I was scared that if people knew they wouldn't want to be around me anymore, coming from a home like that" Todd replied.

"I don't care vhat your mother did as a career, it has nozhing to do vith you" the fuzzy teen said.

"Thanks" Todd replied and Kurt wrapped his arms around him pulling him closer until he was leaning into Kurt's side.

"Is zhat all?" Kurt asked playing with Todd's hair absent mindedly.

"No, I'll tell you more later okay? I want to sleep right now" Todd said yawning and resting his head against Kurt's shoulder and Kurt chuckled.

"Zhat's fine, go to sleep" Kurt replied kissing the top of Todd's head as the other mutant drifted off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Kurt sat with Todd on the bed in Kurt's room. Kurt was sitting against the headboard legs stretched out in front of him. Todd sat in the v created by Kurt's spread legs leaning back against Kurt's chest with his head resting against the fuzzy teens shoulder, with Kurt's arms wrapped around him and his tail wrapped around one of his legs.

Lance had drove Todd over to the Xavier mansion earlier because Todd wanted to see Kurt. He had seen him the day before while Lance and Pietro had been shopping but he hadn't seen him for long. He had told him the secret of his mom then had fallen asleep. When he had woke up again he was laying in his own bed with a note on his stand from Kurt saying that he had still been sleeping when Lance and Pietro got home and he didn't want to wake him up. Todd had wished he had woken him up, but he understood. If it had been Kurt he wouldn't have woken him up either.

"I vas scared" Kurt said suddenly breaking the peacful silence that had settled in the room while buring his nose into Todd's hair.

"Of what" Todd asked rubbing the fur on Kurt's arm against the grain.

"Of losing you vhen you tried..." Kurt trailed off but Todd knew what he meant, he didn't need the rest of that sentence.

"I'm sorry, I know I hurt you, I didn't mean to" Todd told him.

"You didn't mean to?" Kurt asked, he wasn't angry he was just confused.

"I've thought of it before, sometimes I was too scared to do it, other times somebody interrupted, and when I started dating you the thought of hurting you always stopped me. I didn't remember that when I did it though, when I did it was too late. So I just prayed you'd forgive me" Todd explained.

"I forgive you, it did hurt me but I'm glad you lived" Kurt told him placing a kiss to the side of Todd's neck before nuzzling it with his nose. Todd smiled and started to pet Kurt's arm causing Kurt to purr and Todd's smile widened slightly.

"Your purring yo" Todd told him and Kurt nipped at his neck playfully.

"I do zhat sometimes" Kurt said nuzzling into Todd's neck, he didn't care if Todd heard him purr anymore, Todd had made him purr enough that it no longer bothered him.

"Remember what I told you yesteday?" Todd asked suddenly after a few mintutes of silence.

"Ja" Kurt replied resting his chin on Todd's shoulder and looking at him out of the corner of his eye.

"I expected you to not want to be with me anymore you know that?" Todd asked.

"Ja, but it doesnt matter to me. Like I said yesterday it vasnt you" Kurt replied wondering where Todd was going with this.

"Will you still want to be with me when you know every secret?" Todd asked.

"Todd listen to me, zhere's nozhing you could tell zhat vould make me not vant to be vizh you, I love you and I alvays vill" Kurt replied. "Now vhy are you bringing zhis up?" Kurt asked.

"I said I would tell you more later, well it's later" Todd said.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't vant to" Kurt countered, true he wanted to know but if it was only going to upset him then it wasn't worth it.

"It's okay, maybe I'll feel better about them if I tell them" Todd replied his voice sounding sad and Kurt lifted his head from Todd's shoulder kissing Todd's cheek. "What was that for?" Todd asked turning slightly to look at Kurt.

"You sounded sad, I don't like it vhen your sad, besides do I need a reason to kiss you?" Kurt asked.

"No I guess not" Todd replied with a shrug and Kurt smiled.

"Good" Kurt said leaning in and placing a kiss to Todd's lips. Todd smiled when the fuzzy teen pulled away before leaning in and kissing Kurt to which Kurt smiled and tilted his head deeping the kiss.

"Do you want me to tell you another secret now?" Todd asked once Kurt had pulled away and they both had caught they're breathes again.

"Sure" Kurt replied settling back against the headboard Todd leaning back against his chest and grabbing one of Kurt's hands holding onto it tightly. It was to give him support for what he was about to tell Kurt then turned his head to the side and tilted it back to see him.

"My momma married this guy named Samuel when I was a kid, I was about six years old. After him and my mom got married he moved into the house with us. A few days after he moved in he began to call me names, and tell me I was worthless. A week after the names started he started hitting me, punching me, kicking me, anything he could do to hurt me" Todd told him.

"He abused you?" Kurt asked frown on his face, his arm and tail unconsciously tightening around Todd and pulling him closer to him.

"Yeah" Todd replied.

"Did your mother know?" Kurt asked hoping that if the woman had known she had put a stop to it.

"I don't know, I doubt she never saw the brusies but she never said anything about it, so if she did know I guess she didn't care" Todd shrugged like it was nothing, like it didn't bother him. But Kurt heard the sad and angry edge to his voice and let out his own growl before he could stop it. How could that woman call herself a mother if she had stood by and let her son, let Todd be abused?

"How could she let zhat go on?" Kurt asked.

"She had a drug and alochol promblem at the time, she was almost always high, or drunk if not both" Todd replied.

"Zhat doesn't matter she should have stopped it if she knew" Kurt argued.

"And lose her means to get money to feed her addictions? I wasn't worth that, I'm not worth that" Todd told him.

"Don't you dare zhink zhat, you are vorth it, you are more zhen vorth it" Kurt said, trying not to get angry or upset that Todd thought so little of himself.

"I've been called worthless all my life Kurt, all those people had to have known what the were talking about" Todd replied sadly.

"No zhey didn't, zhey don't, if zhey zhink you're vorthless zhen zhey don't know anyzhing" Kurt argued again.

"You sound so sure" Todd said.

"Because I am sure, I know your not vorthless" Kurt retorted.

"People expect me to be a druggie you know." Todd stated completely changing the subject and Kurt knew that, but he allowed it and nodded that he did indeed know. "But I never touched the stuff, never even thought of it. I saw what it did to my mom, how it changed her, I didn't want that to happen to me so I never touched any drugs" Todd told him.

"I'm glad for zhat" Kurt said kissing Todd's cheek before placing a kiss to Todd's mouth. Todd smiled leaning back against Kurt's chest and snuggling into Kurt's neck. Kurt smiled and settled himself back into a more comfortable postion.


	12. Chapter 12

An hour after Todd told him that he had been abused by his stepfather Kurt still sat trying to figure out how anybody could have done that to a child, to Todd. And how his mother could have just turned the other cheek and let it continue. Maybe if she had put a stop to it Todd would believe that he wasn't worthless. But she hadn't, if she had known she let it go on and now Todd thought he was worthless. Yes, Todd had mentioned that his mother had been addicted to drugs and had an alochol problem but that wasn't an excuse. Todd didn't deserve that no matter what anybody thought, no child deserves that. Kurt looked down at Todd who had his head resting on his folded legs and playing with one of his hands while the other ran through his hair. He had learned so much about Todd the last few days, stuff he never knew. It surprised him that he hadn't known Todd as well as he had thought.

"I ran away," Todd said suddenly tracing his hand with one of his his fingers.

"Vhat?" Kurt asked looking back down at him to find Todd looking up at him.

"I ran away from home twice when I was little just to escape him. The first time was when I was seven. He punched me and knocked me down, then he went to bed, when he was gone I ran out the door, didn't even grab anything just left. I kept running until I couldn't run anymore and collasped in an alley. I was so happy to be away from him, but it didn't last long. He found me two days later and forced me into his car and took me back. When we got back in my mom hugged me and said they had been worried sick. She told me never to do it again and then she left, when she was gone he beat me worse then he ever had before" Todd told him.

"Is zhat vhy you ran avay again?" Kurt asked.

"No, he told me if I ran away again he'd kill me because he wasn't going to go looking all over the city to find a little brat like me. I was scared so I stayed for five more years. Tried to avoid him so he wouldn't hit me, when that didn't work I tried to hide, that didn't work either so I just took the beatings. I tried to ignore that my mom cared more about getting high then me, but that wasn't easy to do. She never had a drug problem before she married him and I remembered what she had been like before. The way she held me until I fell asleep at night, the Johns were always gone at night. None were allowed in the house once it got dark, that was my time with my mom without interruption. She had cared for me then, she said I was her little prince, guess I lost my crown" Todd tried to laugh but it sounded forced, bitter and sad.

"No, you didn't" Kurt replied kissing Todd's cheek softly. "You're still a prince to me" Kurt whispered in his ear and Todd snorted. "You are, you're the Toad Prince" Kurt told him before tilting his chin up and kissing him.

"Toad prince?" Todd asked once he pulled away.

"Ja, you know like zhe prince who vas turned into a frog and only a kiss from a beautiful princess vill turn him back to zhe handsome prince he is" Kurt explained. Todd's lips began to quiver as he tried to stop himself from laughing. Two seconds later he failed horribly and he fell onto the bed on his side in laughter.

"Vhat? Vhat's so funny?" Kurt asked confused, which caused Todd to laugh harder.

"Beautiful princess," he managed to gasp out between laughs and Kurt's head tilted to the left his tail swishing on the bed in confusion. "You…" Todd said before beginning to laugh again. "Just implied that you're a beautiful princess" he added tears falling down his cheeks.

"I did?" Kurt asked and Todd clutched his stomach as he began to laugh harder the force of it shaking his entire body. "I did" Kurt stated a few seconds later after realizing what he had said and Todd began coughing in between laughs.

"Shut up" Kurt said smacking Todd's shoulder when he didn't stop laughing.

"I'm sorry, but you just said you were a beautiful princess" Todd replied trying to calm his laughing fit. After a few seconds he finally stopped laughing and wiped at his eyes and cheeks to remove all the tears there.

"I vas trying to make you feel better, I didn't mean to make it sound like zhat" Kurt said glad that his fur hid his blush of embarrassment.

"It did make me laugh so I guess you succeeded" Todd told him and Kurt hit his shoulder again playfully.

"Yes, well glad I'm so amusing" Kurt said.

"Oh don't be like that" Todd retorted moving closer to Kurt on the bed and laying his head on Kurt's shoulder.

"I love you" Kurt told him.

"I love you too" Todd replied kissing Kurt's fuzzy cheek.


	13. Chapter 13

Kurt smiled at Todd when he kissed his cheek before resting his head back on his shoulder, Kurt tilted his head to rest his cheek on top of Todd's head. Kurt wrapped his arm around Todd's shoulders, his tail wrapping around Todd's waist. Kurt's smile faltered when he looked again at the white bandages that were wrapped around Todd's arms and wrists. He tried not to look at them as much as he could. All it did was make him upset knowing what those bandages hid beneathe them. Kurt grabbed one of Todd's hands and tured it over before bringing it up to his mouth and placing a kiss to his wrist. Todd looked at him strangely as Kurt did the same to the other wrist.

"I vish you had told me this stuff before you tried to kill yourself" Kurt whispered.

"I know, I'm sorry" Todd told him.

"I just vish I had known so I could have done somezhing, so I could have stopped you. You scared me, I vas so scared I vas going to lose you. I couldn't believe vhat you had done, I never expected you to do somthing like zhat. I zhought you told me everyzhing but I vas vrong," Kurt said.

"I was afraid to tell you, I was afraid that if you knew you would leave me" Todd admitted.

"I vouldnt have done zhat, I love you. It doesnt matter vhat zhese secrets are, zhey vill not change zhat fact" Kurt told him.

"I believe you, but I was scared" Todd said.

"You don't have to be scared, I vont leave you" Kurt explained wrapping both of his arms around Todd in a tight embrace and burring his nose into his neck.

"You promise that no matter what I tell you, it won't change how you feel about me?" Todd asked, he didn't want to lose Kurt. And he was terrified that what he was about to tell him would cause him to lose the fuzzy teen.

"I promise" Kurt nodded, he was curious to know what could cause Todd to doubt that he would always love him. He knew he loved Todd, he had thought that he loved Amanda and in a way he had, but with Todd it felt different. It was deeper, stronger. He missed Todd after just minutes without seeing him. He found any and all excuses to touch him in anyway even if it was just a brush of fingers. He could sit for hours with Todd without saying a word and feel no need to say anything. He instantly became happy when he saw Todd no matter what kind of mood he was in. Todd could make him so angry and two seconds later make him laugh.

"The second time I ran away from him I was eleven. It was late about two in the morning, I was woken up by him grabbing me. He had been drinking, he smelled like alcohol so bad it almost made me sick. At first I thought he was going to beat me, he had come to my room for that purpose many times before. But then he kissed me" Todd paused clenching his eyes shut to try and force himself not to cry. "I turned my head away and he grabbed my throat and told me if I turned away again he'd choke me to death. So I kept my head where it was and just let him kiss me. I had to force myself not to bite his tongue when he forced it inside my mouth, I didn't know what he would have done if I did, but I was afraid to find out. Then he moved to my neck and bit so hard it broke the skin. He covered my mouth when I screamed so I wouldn't be able to make a sound. After a few minutes of biting me and kissing me he grabbed my hand and forced me to touch him. He said that I was going to be a whore just like my mother so it was good practice. He told me if I did a good job he'd help me practice again the next night. Then he shoved his hand into my pants and squeezed me, it hurt and I started crying but he just laughed. Then he removed my hand from him and told me he was going to teach me a skill I had to know as a whore. Then he postioned himself in front of my mouth and told me not to bite before grabbing my chin and forcing himself past my lips. He just kept pulling out and pushing back in. I was disgusted and I didn't want it to continue, so I raised my legs and arms then bit him as hard as I could. When he stopped in pain I pushed him off of me and his head hit the wall hard. I remember there was blood running from where his head hit the wall but I didn't care. I just ran as fast as I could out of that house praying I'd never have to see him again. I didn't and I found out later that I almost killed him that night" by the time he was finished Todd was crying his head in his hands.

Kurt didn't know what to do or what to say. He had not expected Todd to tell him something that awful and it had caused him to cry as well. All he knew was that that man was lucky he didn't know who he was because Kurt wanted nothing more then to kill him in that moment. But Todd needed him and that was more important then his anger at a man he didn't know. So Kurt wrapped his arms around Todd and pulled him into his lap one hand petting his hair while the other rubbed his back.

"Do you still love me?" Todd asked buring his head into Kurt's shoulder as his hands clenched handfuls of the back of Kurt's shirt.

"Of course, you did nozhing vrong, he desreved being thrown into a vall for vhat he did to you. I'm sorry zhat happened to you, I'm sorry I can't take avay zhat memory" Kurt replied hugging Todd a little tighter.

"I feel ashamed at myself that that happened" Todd admitted and Kurt placed a kiss to the side of Todd's head.

"It vasn't your fault, you did nozhing that you should feel ashamed for, you protected yourself zhat's all" Kurt told him softly.

"I dont want to talk about this right now, can you just hold me?" Todd asked.

"Ja, I'll hold you" Kurt replied setting Todd on the bed and laying down before pulling Todd down with him and to his side both arms wrapping around the other mutant and his tail wrapping around one of Todd's ankles. Todd burried his face into Kurt's chest trying to stiffle his sobs and Kurt held him a bit tighter as he began to softly sing a lullaby to him in German. Kurt continuied to sing even after Todd had cried himself to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**Aurthors note- I wish to apologize before hand, chapter 15 will most likely be late. I wanted to post every other day but I ran into writers block a few days ago with chapter 15 and thus it is not yet finished. I just got over the writers block yesterday at 3:55 AM this morning. I am working my best though and I ask for you to understand and forgive me. Again I apologize.**

Two days after Todd told him about what happened when he was eleven Kurt sat on Todd's bed with him as Todd sketched him. Kurt knew that Todd liked to sketch, Todd had told him once that it was because it was quiet when everything else was loud. And that he had always done it, that it relaxed him and calmed him down. And now that he knew some of the secrets Todd had hidden away until it drove him to harm himself he couldn't help but wonder if he had done it even then.

"Did you draw vhen you vere little?" Kurt asked and Todd looked up from where he was erasing a messed up line for Kurt's ear.

"Sometimes, if I wanted to take my mind off of stuff. I started when I was eight" Todd replied looking back to the picture he was drawing.

"Vhat did you draw?" Kurt asked and Todd shrugged.

"Mostly anything that was laying around that I could see" Todd replied.

"Did you ever draw people then?" Kurt asked and Todd shook his head.

"No, it was the stuff in the house or the yard," Todd explained and Kurt nodded not saying anything else. "I drew my mom from memory the other night" Todd told him and Kurt looked at him.

"Can I see it?" Kurt asked and Todd nodded flipping back a few pages in his sketch book before handing it to Kurt. Kurt looked at the page, the woman in the picture looked like Todd a little bit only her nose was thinner and she had a diffrent shape of eyes then Todd. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail. She was smiling with her hand up patting down her hair, she was quite pretty.

"You remember her zhis vell" Kurt asked looking up from the picture.

"Yeah, I never forgot how she looked" Todd replied with a shrug.

"You look like her" Kurt told him and Todd nodded.

"Yeah I know" Todd smiled a little taking the sketch book back from Kurt.

"Did you ever see her after you ran avay zhe second time?" Kurt asked.

"No, never seen either of them again." Todd replied.

"Do you miss her?" Kurt asked.

"Sometimes, others it doesn't matter" Todd said and Kurt nodded not knowing what else to say to the other mutant.

"After I ran away I was found on the streets almost a week later, they tried to find my momma but they couldn't. So they put me in foster care, I was mostly ignored there, they didn't care. Went three days without food sometimes, another place where nobody cared about me, but I guess I should be used to that huh? I still have nobody that cares about me but you," Todd said and Kurt looked at him.

"That's not true, you have zhe ozher Brozherhood members vho care for you, Rogue cares for you too" Kurt retorted.

"Why would she care for me?" Todd asked.

"Because she knows how much you mean to me. Stop doubting zhat people care for you Todd" Kurt pleaded.

"It's hard to believe that they do" Todd told him. "I heard all my life from people that nobody would ever care for me" Todd added.

"I already told you zhat zhose people are idiots and zhey don't know vhat zhey vere talking about" Kurt said.

"I know, but it's hard to believe" Todd retorted and Kurt sighed leaning forward and placing a kiss to Todd's cheek.

"Just try to believe me and stop doubting yourself" Kurt told him and Todd nodded.

"I'll try for you" Todd said.

"Zhank you" Kurt accepted the response, placing a kiss to Todd's lips causing Todd to smile slightly. Kurt smiled back and moved to Todd's neck nipping there softly causing Todd to moan loudly.

"We can hear you" Lance shouted up the stairs causing Kurt to jump away and Todd to flush in embarrasment.

"Let's just finish that sketch yo" Todd said scratching his cheek still embarassed and Kurt nodded looking forward again like he had been before they started talking.


	15. Chapter 15

Everybody was looking at him and the cuts were itchy. But that was because they were healing under the sleeves of his shirt, he was used to them becoming itchy when they were healing, he had dealt with that for three years. What he wasn't used to was people staring at him, it made him uncomfortable and anxious. Everybody knew that he had been in the hospital because he had tried to kill himself, and he knew that. He had heard more then one person mention it. He just wanted to make himself disappear.

"Hey," a voice called and Todd really wanted to disappear at that moment. Why did he decide to go back to school that day? Todd's shoulders slumped forward and he unconsiously wrapped his arms around his stomach much like he had when he was little when he had been abused by Samuel to make himself seem smaller. It was just his luck that Duncan would see him on his way to his locker. Unfortunately it didn't work and soon Duncan and his friends were standing in front of him. Todd looked to each side, looking for the easiest way to escape.

"Is it true?" one of Duncan's friends asked and Todd looked at him confused for a second.

"Did you actully try to kill yourself slimeball?" Duncan asked and Todd stepped back his back colliding with a set of lockers. 'Crap now I'm in for it' Todd thought to himself his arms wrapping around his stomach again. Duncan grabbed one of his arms forcing his sleeve up to reveal the jagged mark on his wrist that was still healing. The banages had been removed for good a few days ago. "Heh, and I thought everyone was lying, too bad you didn't succeed" Duncan said letting go of his arm. Todd held his wrist pressed to his stomach in a vain attempt to hide the mark.

"Yeah, would have saved everyone some trouble if you had," one of Duncan's friends added.

"Why don't you do it again? Nobody would care if you did, nobody cares about you anyway" Duncan's second friend told him. Todd wanted to cry, he wanted to run, he wanted to die, he wanted so many things at that moment, but he wanted Kurt the most.

"Leave him alone," a voice said and Duncan and his friends turned their backs on him.

"Why should we?" Duncan asked the person who had intrerrupted their fun.

"Come on Matthews, he just got back to school after what happened just leave him alone, you've done enough" the voice replied.

"And just what have we done Summers?" Duncan asked and Todd froze in his attempt to sneak away while Duncan and his gang weren't looking. 'Summers?' Todd thought, the only person with the name Summers he knew who would even attempt to stop him from getting bullied was Scott Summers. Scott the leader of the X-Men, Scott Summers was one of Kurt's friends. But why would he be trying to stop Duncan from messing with him?

"You mess with him on a daily basis, just leave him alone. He has enough to deal with, without you" the voice replied. Todd tried to peer around Duncan and his idiot friends to see who the person was. When he finally managed to see, he was shocked to see that it was Scott Summers standing there, his arms crossed over his chest. Duncan sneered at Scott as he and his friends walked away.

"You okay?" Scott asked and Todd nodded, not knowing what to say to the older mutant. "Good, come on, Kurt's at the lunch table" Scott said walking away and motioning Todd to follow him.

"Why did you do that?" Todd asked pulling at the sleeve of his shirt.

"I know what you did" Scott said simply still leading the way to the table they usually sat at at lunch.

"Everybody knows" Todd told him and Scott nodded.

"Yeah I know, but I found out when you were still unconcious in the hospital. You don't deserve people messing with you and driving you to try something like that. Kurt snapped at me and Kitty, he's never done that before. He was worried about you, Kurt's my friend and if I can stop him from being upset I will" Scott explaind and Todd remained quiet not knowing what to say to the other teen.

"I'm guessing Kurt doesn't know you're here today?" Scott asked.

"I just decided to come this morning, so I didn't tell him, and I haven't ran into him yet." Todd replied and Scott nodded as they finally reached the doors leading to outside. Todd grabbed Scott's arm just as the other teen stepped outside and Scott looked at him.

"Thank you" Todd told him and Scott smiled at him slightly nodding his head. Todd smiled a little as well as he followed Scott to the table.

"Todd!" Kurt shouted happily and jumped up from his seat ignoring the other people arond them staring at him as he hugged Todd tightly. "Vhat are you doing here?" Kurt asked still hugging him.

"I just decided to come back today, besides it was Pietro's turn to babysit me while the others went to school and was not happy about not being able to see Evan" Todd said with no small amount of bitterness when he said 'Babysit'.

"Hey, I would have done it, you would have needed somebody with you if you didn't decide to come" Pietro said indignantly from the table.

"I don't need anybody watching me, I'm not going to slice myself up like you all think I will" Todd replied angry.

"Well the evidence points otherwise" Pietro argued angrily.

"Just because I did it once doesn't mean I'm stupid enough to do it again" Todd told him becoming angrier by the second.

"Todd, we can't take the chance" Lance said as him and Kitty arrived at the table.

"I won't do it even though I'd rather die because Kurt will just save me again" Todd said his voice rising slightly. Todd did not think of what he had just said until he heard the silence of the others at the table and saw them all staring at him.

"You really don't vant to live? Not even for me?" Kurt asked and his lip quivered slightly as he fought not to cry at what he had just heard. Todd looked horrified by what he had just admitted, he had meant to never tell anybody that, especially not Kurt. He knew how badly Kurt had been hurt by him attempting to kill himself.

"I am living because of you, I told you that you were the reason I didn't try it before. I'm sorry Kurt but I can't take it anymore" Todd replied.

"Take vhat? Vhat can't you take?" Kurt asked tears starting to fall from his eyes, Todd had never hated Kurt's holo form more then at that moment. He hated it when Kurt cried and at least in his fuzzy form he couldn't see the tears. But in the form produced by Kurt's image inducer it hid nothing.

"Everything Kurt, Duncan and his stupid friends, the memories that won't leave me alone, my life" Todd told him.

"I thought you vere getting over zhose memories now zhat ve are talking about zhem" Kurt said trying in vain to wipe his tears away, but as soon as he did more came.

"That's not something you just get over, you never get over it, the only thing you can do is learn to live with it" Todd retorted softly.

"Vell I zhought you vere living viz it" Kurt conceeded looking at Todd as he gave up at trying to wipe away the tears.

"It'll take me some time, I just started talking about it" Todd told him.

"I just vant you to be okay" Kurt said "I just vant you to live" he added after a few seconds.

"I know, and I am going to live" Todd retorted.

"You just said you vant to die" Kurt reminded him and Todd nodded.

"I know what I said, but that doesn't mean I'll act on it Kurt, I know I hurt you and I'm not going to do that again, I'm not going to hurt myself anymore" Todd told him. It was true, he wasn't going to try killing himself again. No matter how much he wanted to, he had hurt Kurt and he didn't want to do that. No matter how hard things became to deal with Todd would not do anything to hurt Kurt, he knew Kurt's happiness was going to be worth it.

"So you von't hurt yourself again?" Kurt asked.

"No I won't hurt myself again, I'll do my best to stop myself before I hurt you anymore then I already have" Todd replied.

"I vorry about you" Kurt admitted.

"I know you do, but you don't have to, I'm learning to live with this" Todd told him.

"I love you, I don't vant to lose you" Kurt said and Todd smiled slightly before hugging the fuzzy teen.

"I love you too, and you're not going to lose me" Todd reassured him. Kurt smiled as they both sat down at the table ignoring the others that were still looking at Todd from time to time. Todd was going to do his best to live with everything that had happened to him.

XXX

Todd ignored the fact that people were once again staring at him as he walked home with Kurt beside him. He didn't feel like riding home with Lance that day so he had decided to walk home, Kurt decided to go with him so he wasn't left alone. No one would trust him being on his own even if he wasn't home it seemed. He was tired of getting treated like he was going to cut himself again if people looked away for two seconds. He had told them he wasn't going to do it again, but nobody would trust him. He was on suicide watch and he knew that, it wasn't them just not taking chances like Lance said. Lance could tell him that all he wanted, Todd knew the truth. Nobody would leave him alone and he was so tired of it, he just wanted one day where nobody looked into his room every three minutes to make sure he hadn't slit his wrists again.

"You vant to go to zhe park?" Kurt asked, Todd hadn't said a word since they left the school doors and to be honest the awkward silence was making Kurt uncomfortable. Todd looked at him for a second then shook his head.

"Right" Kurt said awakwardly shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Vhat about zhe voods? You alvays like zhe voods" Kurt asked hoping to get away from the uncomfortable silence between him and Todd. Todd nodded and Kurt smiled slightly grabbing his hand and leading him to the woods. Maybe he could get Todd to actually say something if they were in his favorite place.

As soon as they were there though Kurt realized that apparently that wasn't going to be the case after all. Todd still refused to say a word no matter what Kurt said. Kurt was seriously beginning to get annoyed. Todd just stared out at the lake they sat in front of without making a sound.

"How vas your first day being back at school?" Kurt asked desperate to hear Todd say something, anything.

"Fine." Todd shrugged.

"Scott said Duncan messed viz you." Kurt stated cautiously.

"Yeah" Todd replied simply, Kurt sighed, he was seriously getting tired of the one word answers.

"Vhat did he do?" Kurt asked.

"Something he always does" Todd replied.

"Todd, enough viz zhe short answers, you know I don't like vhen you do zhat" Kurt almost snapped, he hated when Todd got upset and he only gave short replies to anything he said. Todd looked at him but didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry, but I'm vorried, please just tell me vhat he did zhat upset you" Kurt begged desperate to know what had upset Todd so much. He hated when Todd was upset, he hated to see Todd when he was sad, it broke his heart.

"He asked if it was true that I had tried to kill myself, when I didn't answer he grabbed my arm and pulled up my sleeve so he could see the cut. Then him and his group of idiots started telling me I should try to kill myself again, that it would save everyone some trouble" Todd replied curling in on himself like he always did whenever he was really sad. Kurt hated Duncan so much. How could Duncan just tell Todd that he would do everybody a favor if he killed himself?

"Todd zhat's not true, so many people vould be upset if you vere to do zhat" Kurt told him.

"I know you would, and I'm pretty sure my team would be" Todd said.

"A lot of ozhers as vell" Kurt retorted, he was starting to see just how badly Todd doubted himself. Todd nodded and stared out at the still water of the lake once again not saying anything.

"Vhy do you doubt people vill care for you so much?" Kurt asked.

"Because it's happened before, the people who are meant to care for me don't" Todd replied sadly and Kurt couldn't stop himself from wondering what had happened to make Todd believe that.

"Vhat happened to make you zhink zhat?" Kurt asked before he could stop himself.

"You won't leave me if I tell you, will you?" Todd asked, knowing that he would tell Kurt another of the secrets he had hidden for so long. Telling Kurt and having him comfort him after really was helping Todd to live with them. Before he just tried desperately not to think about them. But Kurt was helping him live and cope with the memories of the past that he so desperately wished was not his own. Kurt sighed at that question, Todd seemed to ask that everytime he was about to tell him a new secret and the answer was always the same.

"I von't leave, it doesn't matter vhat you tell me" Kurt told him. He put his hand on Todd's shoulder, hoping to offer him some form of comfort.

"I was taken in as a foster child to a man, he was single and the only reason he was actually allowed to be a foster parent as a single man was because he had a lot of money. He was a lawyer and they figured he'd be fine taking care of a child. They were wrong though, that man should never have been allowed to care for a child. I learned that soon after I went to live with him, actually the day I went to live with him" Todd paused and took a deep breath to steel himself for the next half. "He came into my room that night and held a knife to my throat and told me if I moved or said a word without his permission he'd kill me. So I laid still and didn't say anything" Todd's voice broke and he began trembling. "He started touching me and rubbing himself against me. He told me to tell him how good he made me feel" Todd broke down completely at this. Kurt had no idea what to say to what Todd had just told him. That kind of thing had happened with Samuel as well, wasn't one time enough for somebody to deal with? Apparently fate didn't think so.

"Todd... I..." Kurt stuttered before shaking his head not knowing how to finish so he wrapped his arms around Todd. Todd pulled away from him and wrapped his arms around his knees and placing his chin on top of them staring at the water.

"Todd?" Kurt asked worriedly, Todd had never pulled away from him when he hugged him before.

"I don't want to be touched right now" Todd replied and Kurt nodded watching Todd closely, something else was wrong and he knew that.

"I didn't run away from him, I figured it was no use. He would touch me and force me to touch him on a daily basis, he even raped me a few times. Everytime he forced me to tell him that I liked it, or that it felt good. He always found a way to make me stay still, whether it was a knife to my throat, holding me down, using restraints, I was never allowed to move. Everytime he did anything to me I tried to close my eyes, he would yell at me and hit me telling me to keep them open, that he wanted me to see him. He wanted me to see him when he made me feel good. I hated him, he made me sick, he made me want to die." Todd whispered buring his face into his knees. Kurt opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't know what to say. Was there anything he could say? If he was being honest with himself there probably wasn't. He had hated Samuel so much for doing that, he had and still wanted to kill that awful man. Now he found himself wanting to kill this new man as well for doing that to Todd. Kurt was really beginning to see why Todd had said he couldn't take his life anymore, that would definately be hard to live with.

"Can I hug you now?" Kurt asked, he so desparately wanted to hug Todd and never let him go, he wanted to comfort the boy he loved so badly. Todd didn't say anything but he did nod slightly and Kurt wrapped his arms around him protectively. Kurt pulled Todd against him so that the smaller teen was resting against his chest. Kurt rested his chin on top of Todd's head and allowed him to cry into his chest, soaking his shirt and the fur underneath it.

"It's okay, I'm here, I got you" Kurt soothed gently rubbing Todd's back and attempting to calm the tears that flowed from his lovers eyes. "Don't vorry, nobody vill ever hurt you again" Kurt promised tightening his grip on Todd slightly.

"I love you, please don't leave me" Todd sobbed and Kurt's heart broke for him once again.

"I von't leave, it's okay" Kurt said kissing the top of Todd's head before beginning to run a hand through his soft brown hair. "Bitte, weine nicht, es in ordnung, Sie sicher sind jetzt wird niemand weh tun." Kurt whispered, Todd always seemed to like when Kurt spoke German to him. Which is why he sang to him in German when he was going to sleep when he was sick or upset. Kurt continued to speak quietly in German as he let Todd cry into his chest.

**Translations**

**Bitte, weine nicht, es in ordnung, Sie sicher sind jetzt wird niemand weh tun- Please don't cry, it's okay, you're safe now, nobody will hurt you. **


	16. Chapter 16

Todd had refused to go back to school for four days after Duncan telling him he should just kill himself, that nobody cared if he did. That was the reason Kurt had not been surprised when Pietro told him at school that day Todd didn't come. Kurt missed him, yes he saw him as much as he could, but it just wasn't enough. Kurt sighed looking up at the clock in his bedroom, he couldn't focus on the algebra problems he was supposed to be doing. His mind kept going back to Todd. He was so worried about him, and to be honest he was scared of what else Todd could be hiding. He wasn't scared that something could change his feelings, nothing could do that, he was scared for Todd's sake.

"Kurt, the phone's for you" Evan's voice said through his door and Kurt stood up from his desk, perhaps this would take his mind off of Todd for a bit. He had no idea at the time just how wrong he was. Kurt opened the door to find Evan still standing there.

"In the den" Evan told him and Kurt nodded heading down the stairs ignoring the fact that Evan followed him.

"Hello?" Kurt asked picking up the phone that sat on the stand.

"Kurt, please tell me Todd's with you" Lance's voice said sounding frantic, angry, and worried all at the same time.

"Vhy vould he be viz me, isnt he at home?" Kurt asked beginning to become worried as well.

"No, he's not, not anymore. He was up in his room, I went to check on him again and he wasn't in his room and his window was open. I checked to see if he was home just somewhere else and I couldn't find him, I thought he might have come over" Lance replied.

"Nien, he didn't come here. How long ago did he leave?" Kurt asked hoping that maybe Todd just hadn't had time to get there yet.

"Forty minutes ago is when I went up to check on him" Lance told him and Kurt's heart stopped beating for a few seconds in fear. It only took twenty five minutes for Todd to make it to the mansion from the brotherhood house. "Do you think he might try to kill himself again?" Lance asked after almost a minute of silence.

"I hope not, but we have to find him just in case" Kurt replied.

"Yeah, where would Todd go?" Lance asked.

"His favorite places are zhe park and zhe lake in zhe voods" Kurt said hoping he was in one of those two places.

"Well Todd never told me where the lake in the woods is, he found that. So I'll get the park can you check the woods?" Lance asked.

"Ja, I leave right now" Kurt answered.

"Thanks Kurt" Lance told him before he hung up the phone. Kurt put the phone back in it's holder and turned to find Evan standing in the doorway.

"Tell the proffessor I'm looking for Todd" He told the other mutant before running to the front door and quickly switching on his image inducer before running out of the mansion. Kurt didn't stop running until he reached the woods.

Kurt wasn't the least bit surprised when he made it to the lake and found Todd sitting on the ground knees bent and his arms resting on top of them staring at the water.

"You had us vorried" he told the younger mutant.

"I'm tired of being babysat all day" Todd retorted.

"Todd ve're only trying to protect you and make sure you're okay" Kurt said.

"I'm not a baby, I don't need people checking on me every three minutes" Todd snapped.

"You tried to kill yourself" Kurt reminded him.

"You think I don't know that, Kurt I'm the one who cut my wrists" Todd yelled and Kurt flinched as he once again remembered the scene of Todd lying in a pool of blood.

"I know, I vas the vone vho found you" Kurt whispered.

"I'm sorry, I never meant for you to find me" Todd's voice was soft.

"You never meant for anyvone to find you until it vas too late" Kurt said.

"I know, but I never thought it would be you, I expected it to be one of my team members, not you. Then I opened my eyes and saw you leaning over me and I thought it was the end and I hated that it was you" Todd explained.

"Ve should go, Lance is vorried about you" Kurt told him changing the subject completly, he couldnt talk about that day, he could barly think about it.

"Can we stay just a little longer?" Todd asked looking at Kurt and Kurt opened his mouth to say 'No' because Lance was worried and it was cold by the lake and he didnt want Todd to get sick. But something in the other mutants eyes made him pause for just a second as he tried to figure out what it was.

"Okay," he whispered still trying to figure out what that dull look in Todd's eyes was, he had never seen that look before, not that he could remember. "Vhy do vant to stay?" Kurt asked hoping maybe the answer would give him the reason for that look. It was a dull look, and it scared him. What could have happened to cause that look? He just hoped it wasn't much worse then what he had told him so far.

"Do you remember that man I told you about that I went to live with?" Todd asked and Kurt nodded but Todd wasn't looking at him.

"Ja" Kurt said swallowing past the lump of worry in his throat and fearing what was about to come next.

"I lived with him for almost two years, delt with him raping and molesting me until I was thirteen when I developed my mutation. He got scared of me and started screaming that I was a freak. He came at me with a knife, he tried to kill me. I remember actually hoping that he would, I just wanted to die. I figured if he killed me it would end, the pain, everything would end and I wanted that. I wanted it to end, and dying was the only way I saw that happening. But I ran away from him, I was scared so I ran even though part of me just wanted him to kill me" Todd said.

"I'm glad he didn't kill you" Kurt retorted.

"Yeah, I still want to die sometimes but I'm getting better" Todd told him.

"I'm glad, you ready to go?" Kurt asked and Todd nodded.

"Yeah, let's go" Todd replied standing up. Kurt smiled and got up as well, happy that Todd didn't leave to kill himself.

The walk to the brotherhood house was quiet, both Todd and Kurt lost in their thoughts. Kurt knew that Lance was not going to be happy with Todd. But he understood why Todd had done it, they were only trying to be safe but maybe they were hovering a little too much.


	17. Chapter 17

It had been three months since Todd had tried to kill himself, three months since people had found out Todd had cut himself. The marks on his wrists and arms were nothing but pale lines of scars that littered his skin now, nothing but reminders of that day. Todd was getting better, he was learning to deal with the secrets he had hidden for years. He was learning not to doubt himself so much, though that was still a work in progress. Kurt knew that there were days when Todd was waiting for him to leave, waiting for him to walk away from him. Todd still had a little trouble believing that Kurt knew his worst secrets and still loved him. He had expected Kurt to leave him after he knew, but he had stayed.

Lance had stopped checking on him every few minutes, though that had been a gradual process. It had became more time between checks until they had stopped altogather. Todd couldn't have been happier about that. He was able to close his door now with out Lance yelling at him to keep it open. And he was now able to be alone for a little bit without people worrying that he would try to kill himself. Though that only lasted a half hour to forty minutes at any given time, but it was progress.

The people at school had stopped being so obssessed with the fact that Todd had tried to kill himself. That had taken the longest, but nobody mentioned it anymore. Duncan and his group had stopped messing with him about it. Todd knew Kurt had been the reason for that but he didn't say anything. Scott knew that as well but like Todd he acted like he knew nothing about it. And Duncan and his friends' lips were sealed on the subject. Todd didn't know how Kurt had managed to make them quit messing with him about it, and he was pretty sure he didn't want to.

It had been three months since Todd's life had changed, from the day he had slit his wrists and tried to kill himself. And his life was about to change once again.


	18. Chapter 18

It started out as a normal day, there were no signs that anything would change. School was the same as usual. Kurt told him about anything that was new, and when he ran out of stuff to talk about, he went on to talking about whatever he was thinking. That was normal, Kurt was the one who usually talked the most. Lunch was pretty much the same as usual except for the empty milk carton that hit him upside the head, thrown by Duncan. Which was thrown back by Kurt and managed to hit Duncan in the forehead which caused him to stop laughing.

It wasn't until they were walking home from school that everything changed, that his life that he had been living for years got turned upside down. Lance's jeep had a flat and Lance hadn't had the time to fix it that morning so they had walked to school. Kurt was walking beside Todd telling him about training in the danger room the day before. Lance was the one who noticed that they were being watched first. He was the one who pointed it out to the rest of them, and they had all got into fighting stances. Todd stood up straight from his crouch when he realized he knew the person watching them. They were all looking at him confused until the person said one word they had not expected.

"Todd" the person, a woman in her early thirties said, 'Todd' not 'Toad'. His name from the woman's lips caused his team and Kurt to look at her. Todd heard Kurt's gasp of shock and knew that he had just realized who the woman was.

"Momma" Todd replied and the Brotherhood went back to staring at him in mixtures of shock and confusion. She stepped closer and Todd sees that she looks so much different then when he had last seen her when he was eleven. Her hair was cut short so that it only comes up to her chin when it once reached the middle of her back. She's only wearing a little bit of makeup in light colors when before she wore too much in dark colors. Her hair is streaked with blond. She doesn't have the dark circles around her eyes as much anymore. But it's still undeniably her. She's still as petite as she always has been, and there's the purpleish red star shaped birthmark under her lip on the right side. And her eyes are the same honey brown, framed by naturally long dark lashes. The biggest change is her clothes though, Todd rembers the outfits she wore before. The short skirts and shorts, the low cut shirt's that barely hid anything. Now she's wearing jeans and a red sweater with a pair of brown boots.

Todd doesn't know what to say, he doesn't know what to do either. It had been years since he last saw her, and he had never thought that he would see her again, but here she was standing not far from him. They both just stood there looking at each other. Suddenly her shiny light pink lips stretched into a smile and she stepped closer again. Todd didn't expect Kurt to move in front of him, but maybe he should have.

"Vhat do you vant?" Kurt asked crossing his arms over his chest and his mother looked at him then to Todd who is leaning to the side to see past the other teen.

"I just want to see Todd," she replied holding up her hands in a gesture of peace.

"Kurt calm down yo," Todd told him placing a hand on his arm and Kurt looked at him for a few seconds before stepping back to the side. But he didn't take his eyes off of the woman that was standing there.

"It's been a while" She said and Todd nodded. "Is there any chance I can talk to you without the others around?" She asked looking at the Brotherhood members and Kurt. Kurt opened his mouth to most likely say 'No' but Todd nodded. Kurt looked at him once again and shook his head, Todd knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Kurt's coming with us though" he told her and she looked to Kurt for a minute before going back to looking at her son.

"Todd I don't think that's a good idea" she argued but Todd and Kurt were already stepping closer to where she stood.

"He already knows" Todd told her and her mouth snapped shut and she looked at Kurt who nodded and started walking along with them.

They went to a little cafe not far from the park. His mom ordered a coffee, Kurt and him both got a hot chocolate and Kurt ordered him a chocolate chip muffin. Kurt had been on this streak of getting him to try to gain weight ever since he realized that Todd actually didn't eat that much. They sat in the booth furtest from the counter and the enternce. They sat in silence for a few minutes sipping their drinks. Finally his mother broke the silence.

"I didn't find you to make excuses you know," she told him staring down at the coffee that she held between her hands.

"Then why did you? How did you?" Todd asked looking at her and she lowered her eye lids, something Todd knew meant she was ashamed, he did the same thing.

"I know that I wouldn't have won any mother of the year awards back then, I know that I probably wasn't a good choice for a mother. I know that I should have given you up for adoption like my friends had said. But I loved you, I really did and I still do, I couldn't give you up, not when you were the best thing that ever happened in my life," she paused for a second. "When I found out I was pregnant all my friends told me to get an abortion, but I couldn't do that, you were innocent, you were my baby and I just couldn't kill you. I thought about putting you up for adoption. Then when you were born and the doctor handed you to me and you looked at me, every thought of adoption went out the window. You were so small, so very small and fragile, but you were wonderful, you were my gift. I realize now that my job when you were a kid was not the best envirorment for you. But I did it so I could feed you, so I could get you what you needed, and what you wanted," she stopped again and sighed.

"Then I met samuel, I thought he would give us a better life. I wanted you to be like the other kids with two parents, I wanted you to have a father. Then everything changed, he got me addicted to drugs and alochol, and he started to hit you. I was so strung out on drugs that all I thought about was my next fix, that's not an excuse for ignoring the signs, for ignoring the marks I saw on you. There is no excuse for that, I know that. When you ran away when you were seven I was worried about you, and I wanted you home. But still I did nothing to stop Samuel," another pause this time she squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her hands into fists. "Then one day I wake up and you're gone again, and Samuel's unconcious on your bedroom floor with no pants on. I'm not stupid and I knew what he did before I even threatened to kill him to tell me. He told me everything that he did to you. I felt so sick to know that it was all my fault that he did that to you. A mother is supposed to protect her child, I failed to do that, and I lost my baby for it," she said wiping at her eyes.

"I knew that you had to know, I always wondered why you didn't love me enough to stop it" Todd whispered and her head snapped up to look at him, her eyes wide before she shook her head.

"I did love you, I swear I did, I was just always so high, and like I said I'm not making any excuses for what I did, because nothing can excuse it. I'm just trying to explain it so that you'll understand." she told him.

"Then why did find me?" Todd asked. The woman he has not seen in years sitting across from him reached across the table and tried to take his hand but he pulled it away.

"To apologize, to tell you that I knew what I had put you through and that I regret it, that it's something I will regret for the rest of my life. I don't expect you to forgive me right away, and honestly I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me. I just wanted you to know that, and know that I still love you and want to be a part of your life if you are willing" she replied.

Todd shook his head. "I don't know if I can forgive you" Todd told her and she looked down at the table and nodded her head.

"I understand" She sighed staring into her coffee cup.

"I stayed for you, I stayed because even then you said you loved me and I loved you, I didn't want to hurt you or make you sad so I stayed. But after that night I couldn't stay anymore, not even for you" Todd admitted. His mother lowered her eye lids once again, showing the shame she felt for her actions, or lack of them and the pain that they had caused.

"I know, you always wanted to protect me, even as a little boy. You wanted to take care of me, even though I should have been taking care of you" she said.

"How did you find me?" Todd asked again.

"I'm not the same as the last time you saw me am I?" she asked and Todd shook his head. "I changed a lot over the years since I last saw you. After Samuel told me what he did to you I left him, I filed for devoirce and never looked back. I called my mother and asked if I could live with her until I was on my feet, she said yes. I got a real job, with an actual paycheck and saved up enough money so I could get an apartment. I studied and got my G.E.D, and then I got a better job as a secretary. I got re-married, to a man who worked in the same building but wasn't my boss, that was the last thing I needed. He was the one who encouraged me to find you again. So we hired a privite investigator, he found you and told me what he had discovered," she explained.

"You had me watched?" Todd asked and she nodded. "For how long?" he asked.

"About two months after he found you" she replied.

"How did we not notice that?" Todd asked, more to himself then to anybody else.

"He's the best at what he does" his mother replied shrugging.

"So he found me and you showed up today?" Todd asked her and she shook her head in the negative.

"I followed you for almost a month until I got enough courage to follow at a distance where you would notice, so I could talk to you" she told him.

"A month?" Todd asked and she nodded. "How did we never see her?" Todd whispered to Kurt who shrugged but remained silent.

"I found out alot of stuff about you" she said and Todd tensed wondering just what she had found out about him. She studied him for a few seconds before smiling at him.

"I know you're a mutant, and so are the ones you live with. I know you and this young man are more then friends, must admit that one shocked me almost as much as the mutant one" she laughed, and Kurt choked on a sip of his drink.

"How did you find out?" Kurt asked when he finished choking.

"I was following him, even when he was with others, I saw you kiss" she explained and both of the teens that sat in front of her blushed. "Though I never found out if you're a mutant or not, I know you have to know since I have seen the ones Todd lives with use their mutations in front of you" she added looking at Kurt.

"Ja, I'm a mutant," Kurt replied.

"What's your power?" she asked.

"Teleportation" Kurt said and she nodded.

"So you followed me, and now your asking me to forgive you?" Todd asked.

"Yes, but like I said I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me" she told him.

"I don't know if I can" Todd said and he stood up and began walking away. Before he could get to far however his mother grabbed his hand.

"Please just take my number, you don't have to forgive me or call but just in case" she told him and shoved a piece of paper with a number written on it in his hand. Todd shoved it in his pocket and left Kurt following him with the muffin Todd didn't eat wrapped in a napkin.


	19. Chapter 19

Todd sat on his bed staring at the crumpled piece of paper in his hand that had his mother's number written on it. It had been a week since she had shown up, a week since she had asked him to forgive her for his childhood. He had had no intention of calling her, he didn't think he could forgive her. In fact when he had gotten home that day he had crumpled that piece of paper up and threw it in a corner, with every intention of forgetting it. But Kurt had found it earlier and had told him to at least think about calling her. He had told him he didn't have to forgive her, but he should at least talk to her. And that even if he did call it didn't mean he had to forgive her.

But Todd wasn't sure, maybe Kurt was just trying to get him to do this with his mother because Kurt's own mother had abandoned him. But Todd knew that was wrong the moment that thought entered his mind. Kurt wasn't like that, if he was asking Todd to do this, then Todd knew he thought it was what was best for him. Todd sighed and stood up the paper in hand and headed downstairs. Pietro was sitting at the table a glass of orange juice sitting on the table in front of him. Todd ignored him and headed straight for the phone, Pietro looked at him but shrugged obviously under the impression he was going to call Kurt. Todd grabbed the phone and put it to his ear dialing the number on the paper and waiting.

"Hello?" came from the other end after a few rings, it obviously wasn't his mother since the voice belonged to a male.

"Is Tonya there?" Todd asked noticing that Pietro's head snapped back around to look at him and Pietro mouthing 'Who's Tonya?' but Todd ignored him again.

"Yeah one sec, who is this?" the person asked.

"Todd" he answered glaring at Pietro who was still watching him, the silver haired boy didn't look away or even seem the least bit guilty.

"Alright, I'll get her." The person said and Todd could hear 'Tonya' being shouted on the other line and winced, pulling the phone from his ear for a second.

"Hello?" his mother's voice asked after a few seconds.

"It's Todd" he replied, because he wasn't sure if she had been told that or not.

"Todd, I didn't think you'd call, I hoped but after everything I wasn't sure." She said and Todd knew she was smiling, he could hear the happiness in her voice.

"Yeah, I really wasn't going to" he replied glaring at Pietro who was leaning in his seat trying to hear the conversation.

"Well I'm glad you did" she told him.

"This doesn't mean I forgive you, this means I'm giving you a chance" he retorted just to make sure she understood it wasn't that easy.

"Thank you, for the chance at least, it's more then I deserve and I know that" she said.

"Don't thank me, thank Kurt, he was the one who told me to call you" he told her.

"Alright, is there a chance I can see you?" she asked.

"I guess, but Kurt's coming with us" he replied.

"Of course, that's fine. How about that cafe we went to that day, say on Saturday at two o clock?" she asked.

"Fine, bye" Todd said as he hung up and thew a crumpled up papertowl at Pietro who was still staring at him. Pietro crossed his arms over his chest when the ball hit him in his eye and Todd left him alone.


	20. Chapter 20

Todd stood beside Kurt outside the small cafe by the enterance waiting for his mother. Kurt had been happy when Todd told him he had called his mother. But had understood when Todd told him that it didn't mean he had forgiven her and wasn't sure he could.

It had been about a week and a half since his mother had reapperead in his life asking him to forgive her for his less then desirable childhood. But he wasn't sure if he could or would forgive her. Kurt wanted him to at least try, saying that Todd should try, after all she did understand the pain she had caused in the past. But he didn't know if he could after what had happened. Samuel had abused him in more ways then one and his mother had done nothing to stop him, done nothing to protect her son, the only one she had. And from that his life had become a living hell.

Todd watched as his mother stepped out of a dark green car that pulled up, she stopped by the drivers side and bent down kissing a man with dark brown hair and brown eyes on the cheek. She straightened and smoothed down the black skirt she wore and smiled at them as she made her way to where they stood.

"Todd, it's good to see you again" she smiled.

"You too" Todd replied shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Thank you for meeting with me" she said and Todd just nodded. He didn't know what to say to her, not right now, he wasn't sure if he would ever know what to say.

"Should ve go inside?" Kurt asked obviously feeling awkward. Todd shrugged and started walking into the cafe.

"He always that quiet?" Todd heard his mother ask Kurt behind him but he really didn't care.

"He doesn't talk much" Kurt answered, Todd knew that wasn't a lie but it wasn't the full truth either. Kurt obviously didn't want to tell her that Todd had been speaking less since she had spoken to him that day she had reapperead in his life.

Like the time before Tonya ordered a coffee, Todd and Kurt both ordered a hot chocolate and Kurt ordered a chocolate muffin for Todd. He was still trying to get Todd to gain weight. And like the first time the sat in the booth furthest from the enterance or counter.

They sat in silence, each lost in his own thoughts, or not sure what to say, or even if it would be okay to say anything. Todd picked at the muffin barely eating any of it.

"My husband said he wants to meet you." Tonya said looking at Todd who was picking off small pieces of the muffin and putting them on the napkin. Todd looked up at her for a second before looking back at his mutilated muffin.

"So?" Todd asked picking the small pieces into even smaller pieces.

"Would you like to meet him?" she asked and Todd froze his hands stilling over the destroyed muffin that sat in front of him.

"No," Todd replied.

"Please Todd, you'll like him" she said in a reassuring voice not noticing that Todd's hands were shacking as he picked at his muffin.

"You said the same about Samuel" Todd muttered and Tonya frowned at him, Todd ignored her and ignored the fact he could feel Kurt watching him.

"He's different, he's nice" Tonya said.

"You thought Samuel was nice too, but he wasn't was he?" Todd asked and his mother opened her mouth to respond. "He abused me and you never cared, you ignored every mark you ever saw, you ignored me when I screamed and cried because he was hurting me. You never said anything, you never made him stop, you never protected me" he whispered before she could say anything.

"Todd I know what I did and didn't do, I know that I hurt you" She said softly but Todd shook his head.

"No you don't know, you have no idea how much you hurt me. You let him abuse me, mentally, phisically, sexually, and you never stopped him. You never cared" he argued shaking off Kurt's hand when he laid it on his arm.

"Todd" she began but he interrupted her before she could say another word.

"After I ran away when I was eleven, nobody could find you, you disappeared." Todd said.

"I was ashamed that I had allowed that to happen to you" Tonya retorted.

"You don't think I was ashamed?" Todd asked but she stayed silent. "You don't think I was ashamed that he touched me like that, that he forced me to touch him, that he forced himself inside my mouth, you don't think I was ashamed? I was terrifed, I needed my mother and you were never there" he whispred. Tonya was now looking at the table her eyelids lowered over her eyes.

"I zhink zhis vas a bad idea" Kurt said putting a hand on Todd's shoulder. "Come on Todd I zhink ve should go" he added.

"No, I'm tired of hiding it" Todd told him not looking at him.

"You're not hiding it, I know vhat happened" Kurt retorted but Todd shook his head.

"She has to know that she caused my life to become a hell hole from the moment she married that bastard" Todd said angirly.

"Todd swearing is not going to help" Kurt told him.

"I don't care, I'm telling her," Todd retorted in a quiet voice, Kurt watched him for a few minutes before nodding but he never removed his arm from him. In fact Kurt wrapped both arms around him in a hug, and laid his his forhead against his shoulder. Todd knew it was Kurt's way of comforting him, of letting him know that he was there for him.

"You know nothing of my life after I ran away at eleven do you?" Todd asked his mother who shook her head in the negative. "I went into a home for kids waiting for foster homes where I was neglccted after being found on the streets. Then a lawyer became my foster father. After a few week's in that home, he sexually abused me, raping me every day for two years until I was thirteen. He tried to kill me when I developed my mutation" Todd told her, by time he was done he was shaking in Kurt's arms and trying not to cry again.

"I had hoped your life was better after you ran away, I had convinced myself that it had to have been, that way I never felt the need to find you when I was sure you'd hate me. I had wanted to protect you, all I did was fail you again" she said as her eyes closed.

"I'm taking him home" Kurt said as he forced Todd to slide out of the booth, his mother nodded and Kurt walked him out of the cafe his arm wrapped around his waist. Todd knew it would take a while to forgive his mother and heal from everything that had happened in his life. But he was working on it, and it was getting easier.

The end!

**Aurthor's note- I apologize for the wait but I was busy working on a story I had promised severel people on . And when that was finished, my life had just gone to heck and I was too stressed to write. But this is the last chapter, if you would like an epilogue I have an idea for it but it's up to you. Again I apologize.**


	21. Chapter 21 Epilouge

Todd had absolutly no idea how he had allowed Kurt to talk him into calling his mother again but he had. Tonya had been happy to hear from him again, she had thought that Todd never would have contacted her again after the last time they had seen each other. And to be honest Todd almost hadn't. He had planned to never call her again, to never have anything to do with her again but Kurt had talked him into calling her again.

That had been three months ago, and it had taken Kurt a month to talk him into calling her again, so it had been four months since he had last seen his mother. They had talked over the phone until now, she had thought it was better. Todd agreed seeing as every other time they had met in person had ended with Todd getting upset. But the other day he had agreed to come to her house for dinner and meet her new husband. Just like the other times he had met with her Kurt was coming with him. There was no way Todd was ready to face this kind of thing without the support of Kurt. And if everything went south Kurt could teleport if needed.

And those were the reasons he was now standing on the sidewalk and staring up at a pale yellow house with black shutters. It was a nice house, the lawn was trimmed and there were flower beds in front of the house on eiether side of the closed in porch. And Todd could see a rose bush peeking out from the left side. The house looked nothing like the house the had lived in when he was little. He was thankful for that, he probably wouldn't have handled it very well if the house had resembled his childhood home. Kurt layed a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him tilting his head towards the house. Todd took a deep breath before walking forward, Kurt still beside him.

It was time to face his mother, and finally put the past that had caused him so much pain, and had drove him to try and kill himself behind him. There was no more hiding, not anymore.


End file.
